Running While Standing Still
by KyoKyon
Summary: There are a lot of things I want to say to you, Ichigo. Even if you are a thousand hundred million miles away from where I stand. Orihime/Ichigo. One Shot. Complete.


**Disclaimer: Bleach does not belong to me.**

**Title: Running while standing still**

**Main Pairings: Orihime/Ichigo **

**One shot**

………………

Her hands trembled badly. She tried to smooth her skirt but failed badly, her hands getting failing to straighten the crease. All she did was manage to run her hands over skirt and make herself even more nervous when she saw how badly her hands her shaking. Gripping her hands in her lap, she waited.

She felt a bit sick. Maybe she shouldn't have had the bean paste with the wasabi bread she had made. Maybe she shouldn't have had lunch at all seeing all she wanted to do right now was vomit it all out.

"Inoue?"

Her heart jumped and raced furiously at the familiar voice. Jumping, she turned around as she watched the orange haired scowling boy walk through the door towards her on the roof.

Her stomach did a flip flop and she willed it to settle down. The boy walked towards her, brows frowning in a scowl (_so adorable_), hands shoved in his pockets.

"Are you alright? You don't look so well." the boy asked, his voice concerned.

She furiously shook her head, not daring to speak another word, afraid that all that was going to come out was her lunch and the last thing she needed was to further humiliate herself like that in front of the boy she liked _(loved with the desperation of a dying flower pining for the rain)._

Opening her mouth, all that emerged was a croak. Clearing her throat, she tried again.

"Kurosaki-kun…"

His head cocked to the side, waiting for her to continue.

All of a sudden she felt so sad. She wanted to curl up, disappear within herself and she wished she had never dared to ask to speak to him alone.

How could she do this?

How did she even dare?

Tears gathered in the corner of her eyes, unbidden and unwelcomed. Her sight blurred as the boy in front of her became a bit of a blob. The boy inched closer, hands finally out of his pocket, his arm outstretched as if to touch her.

"Are you alright? You look like you want to-"

Here the boy broke off because it was too awkward for him to mouth such a word. His cheeks flushed slightly as he stopped. Looking at his friend, he felt helpless as she looked ready to burst into tears.

He hated this feeling, this helplessness of not being to help her.

"If someone's giving you a hard time, tell me. I'll beat the crap out of this idiot," he declared, not knowing how else to give comfort to this fragile girl.

She shook her head, her laughing coming out like a sigh.

"I want you to listen to me, Kurosaki-kun. No interruptions, no words until I've finished. I don't think I will have the courage to continue if you stop me." Orihime said firmly.

The boy looked at her puzzled but nodded anyway. Orihime took a deep breath, gathering her courage. Her eyes never left his as her words flowed out.

"I like you, Kurosaki-kun. I really, really like you. I have for a long time. I wanted to tell you this for a long time but I never had the courage. I didn't want our friendship change because of this confession of mine, but I want to take this chance. I like you very much, even before we talked, even before we were ever friends, I really like you…"

Here, she broke off, unable to bring words to describe her feelings to him. The silence stretched before them. She could see his eye widen in shock at the unexpected confession, mouth slightly agape.

_I have lived my life always being content with what I have. I always had Sora with me and I loved him so much, even after he was gone. _

_He was the only one I always had. He was always trying so hard to raise me right, to give me all that my heart desired. He gave me permission to be selfish about love but after he left, I had such regrets about that. My last selfish act was always there, like a stain. I could never make it up to him; his last gift to me was priceless. He left me the gift of never taking anything for granted._

_I pray for his happiness, I pray he will never have a selfish sister like me again in his next life. I wish for him to be happier than he was in this life. _

_But because of Sora, I met you. I managed to become friends with you, you whom were always so far away. I managed to step closer to you. I wanted as you grew stronger, as you fought enemies with that single minded determination. _

_And I cherished every moment of it._

"I know we're only friends and I'm jeopardizing everything we have but I wanted to let you know despite this because I cannot contain these feelings anymore."

_I want to lance these feelings from my heart, poisonous like a wound full of pus but yet so wondrous even when it was killing me slowly inside._

"I know you don't see me that way but still I wanted to tell you."

_One step closer to the abyss, towards you._

"I don't want to burden you with this _stupid_ feeling."

_You are a thousand hundred million miles away from where I am standing right now and I am just one step closer to you._

"I don't want validation for my feelings."

_There are a lot of things I need to justify. My strength or lack of, my unwillingness to inflict violence, my weakness, my tears, my fears. But there is one thing I am not willing to justify and that is my feelings for you._

"I just wanted to tell you."

_I know I am not good enough for you. I am but a weak cry baby who only knows how to call out your name when danger strikes. I am a weak point in this strange group of ours. _

"I have felt this way for so long that I was growing used to these feelings."

_But I don't want to stand still while time passes me by. I want to free myself from these feelings, these bitter unrequited feelings._

"And I didn't want to live my life simply watching, waiting."

_At some point of my life, I will look back and I will be frustrated at why I was standing still when I could have been running._

"I want to tell you, I love you, Kurosaki-kun."

_I never expected my feelings to grow even more. I was washed in colors of white and grey before Hueco Mundo. It was too painful to bear, these feelings. The loneliness had grown to an extension of whom I was becoming and I didn't want that. I didn't want to be a sad person. _

_And so when I said goodbye that night, I thought it would end with that. I would be branded as a traitor and I would save everyone while sacrificing myself. After all, I was but one tiny speck in this wide, vast world._

_The world had no place for me when Sora died. I was dispensable in the face of greater things. I would have died with no regrets, my sadness ending with my death. Yet I still hoped I would be rescued. How foolish I was._

_But you came._

_Everyone came and for a moment, my existence was justified and I was so happy. I was cared for._

"Inoue…"

The tears came hot and fast. Inoue allowed them to fall, feeling such immense _relief._ She made no move to wipe them off her face, the tears burning her eyes. Her hands moved to cup her eyes, to shield them away from the obvious reject she would face from the boy she loved so desperately.

Head bowed, shoulders shaking slightly, she allowed her tears to flow into her palm, some of it trickling down her wrist, falling.

_I want to be able to say that I have loved, to say that I tried even if it was so painful._

_I was so scared for such a long time and I didn't even realize. I want to tell you my feeling, Kurosaki-kun because I don't want to be scared anymore._

_I want to run free instead of standing still. I want to my feelings to fly free, no longer tied and chained to my heart because it was slowly drowning me. _

_I do not need my feelings to be requited but I love you so much, Kurosaki-kun that I was afraid I would never be able to stop. I was afraid that these feelings would grow so much that I would be crushed. After all, isn't love another face of hate and I didn't want my love to grow into hatred as it choked me. _

_Darkness has no place in love and when I set it free, I know it will stop, it will stop growing and I can look at you clearly. _

_I want you to be happy even without me._

"Baka," the words were whispered and Orihime looked up at the unexpected words, the tears making her nose run and her eyes look terribly blood shot. The boy looked at her with such sadness and concern.

His hands reached out and Orihime was enveloped in a hug. Her tears had stopped, her heart beating more calmly now. Her nose brushed against his shirt and she could smell his cologne and a smell that was uniquely him.

She didn't know if this was meant to be a soft rejection or something else but for now she was content to be in his arms, her heart finally free and feeling light.

She was finally running even though she was anchored in his arms. Her eyes closed, a small soft smile playing on her lips. She was ready for come what may.

_And I gathered all my courage and my fears and pushed into the sunlight. My feelings would reach you even if you were a thousand hundred million years from where I am standing. I will catch up to you. _

_Will you wait for me?_

_ FIN_


End file.
